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The Bitter End Ver.2 [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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It's the most wonderful time of the year [Sep. 16th, 2003|04:55 am]
[mood |unbalanced]
[music |Placebo - English Summer Rain]

I have decided to start updating my livejournal on a regular basis. It’s only because I am lacking in other things to do with my time. I’m watching the documentary fetishes filmed at pandora’s box in manhattan. Interesting flick, but not enough to captivate my attention for any length of time. All the doms in pandora’s put on this show for the camera , they all want to appear to be jaded stone fortresses but in reality these women are probably very insecure and have emotional if not personality disorders as a result of working in this line of employment. But they make some sweet cash , 175 for a basic hour session.
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It was good while it lasted..... [Jan. 2nd, 2003|06:04 pm]
[mood |tired]
[music |Last Days of April - Two Hands Ten Fingers]

Okay , so I wasn’t anti-social this new years. Infact I was quite social. I was very very drunk this new year’s but I held my alcohol well. Which was a good thing. And now after two weeks of non-stop drinking ,I am sick. Very sick. I have no voice. Oh well. Back to being anti-social.
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(no subject) [Dec. 30th, 2002|09:16 pm]
I am not going out on new years. I am sitting at home and drinking by myself. Fuck people my age and their need to congregate. So what if I’m a social misfit. I don’t fucking care. Well at least I wont tommorow when I am drunk.
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Somewhere in the land of might have been..... [Dec. 29th, 2002|02:00 am]
[mood |Ambivalent]
[music |Sugababes - Freak like me]

I haven’t updated this motherfucker in a while , I honestly couldn’t give a rats ass. Reason behind updating this journal is the simple fact I am bored . Even though I went out and had an eventful night which included freezing my ass off on a sleigh ride and then de-icing in a nice warm outdoor hot tub , I still feel as though I did nothing. Meh , who gives. I made a new shirt , very 1930’s Gosford Parkish looking ( I love all the clothes from that movie). I now have two sewing machines , not including my serger which I love an cherish dearly. I need to sew some more stuff , I have some red thin wheel corduroy I believes I am going to make me a bomber jacket out of , and I have some black twill which I bought for two bucks a metre I think I shall make a ruffle edged bag. Anyways I have no more to say , I will try and update my livejournal more often , I somehow feel guilty that I haven’t updated lately.
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(no subject) [Oct. 10th, 2002|09:26 pm]
[mood |lazy]
[music |Telepopmusik - Yesterday was a lie]

Leave the looking glass on the sill , for you are not the chosen.
Downtrodden by forgotten words left behind and unspoken.

And who is to play the jester for the gracious queen of spades?
Drawing words across a map depicting hills and glades.

For if we are all left behind and the cider of affection is rare.
The debutantes of fallen mansions might hide from the spiteful glare.

Dominions are challenged and civilians are standing in hate's way.
Listing off my seven degrees of reason wouldn't make you stay.

Rightfully so I'm leaving this scene on the trust of my intuition.
Would I sell my soul for that feeling? I'm a slave of my inhibition.

So just block these words out and relieve yourself of this.
Just stay in your narrow minded state of self-indulgent bliss.
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(no subject) [Oct. 1st, 2002|04:44 pm]
[mood |pessimistic]
[music |Redd Kross - Teen Competition]

I think I ate too much Mc Donalds. Mmm grinded horse hooves and such. I really don't care as long as it's deep fried and dashed with msg . I was bored in fourth period today , so I spent most of my last class seeing how much I could push my index finger into the side of my eye . I could push it in quite far but it started to hurt after awhile and left my eye feeling all itchy and what not.

Now I have to go research some bollockey art project, which is fucking maddening. I told my art teacher to expect a lot of death and morbid things. She kinda looked at me like - How cliche is that? Oooh I am an angsty teenager who's obessive curiosity with death has gone too far. Well at least I am actually taking that course seriously. While I'm handing in a folder of stuff some are just throwing down a sheet of loose leaf with some chicken scratch on it.

Bastards fuck you all.
I'm gonna go watch Jerry and feel better about myself.
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(no subject) [Sep. 30th, 2002|05:01 pm]
[mood |good]
[music |The Velvet Underground - Rock and Roll]

It's an empowering thought to know that you have the ability to mentally fuck someone up permanently. I will not name drop but certain individuals know who this person is. Another notch on the tally for the Lauren and Rachel team. And by the way. I get my new kids on the block digs at the salvation army . mofo. And no , you cannot eat my raincoat.
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(no subject) [Sep. 25th, 2002|04:45 pm]
[mood |geeky]
[music |Dry Cell - I Confide]

I fucking hate my art teacher , she is such a bitch and a half. I had a fucking appointment with an allergist this moring (because i am a big geek and i am allergic to everything) . So i signed in late i got to school at like 9:10 , i walk into class and the cunt starts bitching about how i am always late. The fugly bitch didn't even look at the goddamn late slip , because if she did she would have seen that it was an excused late because i had a fucking doctors appointment. So she can go suck horse cock. I hope she get into some freak accident where people take pictures of her dead body and post them on the internet. Yeah that would be great.
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Lets not forget that disease spreading whore on the corner. [Sep. 20th, 2002|03:49 pm]
[mood |accomplished]
[music |Velvet acid Christ - Phucking Freak]

Gleefully Disenchanted , the over prodded wound
Stumbling through life only hearing nonsensical ramblings.
Your life is here , written on this page.
You are only read by idiot savants and the blind.

---------I don't feel poetical today. it's a beginning. and possibly an end.

One Hundred and Ninety two months can go by in a blur.
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(no subject) [Sep. 17th, 2002|05:00 pm]
[mood |crushed]
[music |Third eye blind - the background]

Current Projects --> Making Resume For Yearbook Position of Photo Editor.

I have no interest in photography , but i don't want a bunch of stupid pictures of grade 11's in the yearbook. Especially not that fugly blonde bitch. Everyone else in the class wants to be photo editor . It's a practically brainless job but i want it so i can spite everyone else.

I hate my life right now. and my right hand smells like cigarette. I find myself refusing to hang out with my everyday friends more and more often. And when i do see them it's just so boring and i feel so out of place.

My eyes feel fucking heavy all the time , like i am going to fall asleep. I get enough sleep now , no more insomnia. , but i always feel tired. And this song isn't helping. Third eye blind is depressing me. Oh well i might just regress into becoming a wallflower and live out my boring little life until i graduate highschool then i am going to buy 92 cats and move to a cabin. Anyone interested in living in a remote cabin with 92 cats and a depressed quasi sociopath? I thought not.
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